Motorhome Envy And Other Confessions

Tethering. Boosting with a system. Boondocking.  Nationwide hotspot coverage. Composting toilets. Black water. Dumping stations. No closet space. No freezer. No ice cream. Full hook up. Workamping. Seasonal site hosting.

What have I gotten myself into?

Can we do this? Indeed, I know that we can! However...

I really am quite frightened about all of this new change in our lives.  How can I teach them to have a strong relationship with God all by myself? How can we fit mission work into our travels? Am I dragging my kids (albeit they are wiling and adventurous) into some new form of torture that will result in years of adult psychiatric visits? What if my motorhome isn't up to snuff? How can I fit all of out "must have" books into the RV? What kind of long term damage will all this travel have on the shape of my butt? Seriously- will this be more difficult for them than I wish it to be?

As I stand on the threshold of something so new and scary, I hesitate.

I hesitate out of fear. Fear of the unknown and more fear of public opinion.

The question "What if I fail?" continues to speak itself in my mind. Indeed, what if I   do  fail? What does my- our- failure even looks like? How am I supposed to know when I've arrived at Failure?

There continues to be a list of bills and sundries that won't go away. I continue to make cancelation calls and sign similar forms.  We box up things for storage and the Salvation Army (side note: look at the amount of $$ Good Will pays it's top execs ya'll) and we have a growing pile of Give To Friends. (..and yes, Mr. & Mrs. Crankie, you're welcome for the 10 thousand house plants and your cleaner air) In order to make the transition into a small space easier, the boys are now camping out on my bedroom floor each night.

I think, I thought, at the beginning of this idea, that we would be free from so many of life's pressures. I was wrong. The bills are still there, they've just shifted.  Gone is the $160/mo electric bill, hello to the bill for nomadic internet. The responsibility to teach my kids has only increased as we are now becoming more reliable on one another for fellowship.

So, at this point, the only picture I can draw of my failure in all of this crazy new life would look like this:

...and quitting would only teach my kids to do the same.

..and that's just not something that I can do.