Sunday, May 5, 2013

What Have I Gotten Myself Into

So, first night, first day can be summed up in one word:

Wow.

I think I'm crazy and stupid. I mean, who does this? No one, that's who. I'm sitting in a tent with 4 kids, listening to the  intermittent sounds of rustling sleeping bags, water lapping on the shores of the lake, and a crying/whining 4yo who has decided he hates his brother and can't sleep next to him so he'll just sleep over here but now he's lonely and why can't he sleep in my bed and he just hates this whole thing. 

How does Mommy feel? Well, as I just told my kids, "Leave. Me. Alone. Pretend I'm in my bedroom with the door shut. Everyone here gets times alone except for Mommy. Just sort it out and leave me alone." 

Yup, this is going great.

I'm actually glad that I didn't have any preconceived notions about this trip.  I attempted order and a minimum of planning prior to us leaving. When the tent came in the mail, we took an afternoon to set it up and then left all directions at home. (So good for me that I'd already done it once, right?)

I figured it would be cold so we bought warm clothes. Now, take a moment and let that statement sink in. I live in Tennessee. It doesn't exactly get cold there. I mean, even in winter, it's never really cold. So imagine what fantastic luck I had when looking for fleece. On sale. In May. The salesgirl was wearing shorts and had that polite smile that only Southern women can produce. That smile that says, "Honey, I like you. I want to help you. But you're crazy and as soon as you walk away, I'm heading into the back room to bathe myself in hand sanitizer. Mmmm-K?" But…you know… she was polite about it.  So the few items I was able to buy (after 4 stores), the 14yo thought it would be best to forget them at home. All that to say, I'm glad that I didn't overly plan. I knew going into this, that it was going to be a learning and growing experience for us all. I just didn't plan on the learning part to be so dog-gone annoying and leave me so short tempered. 

It took 20 minutes for my tea water to boil. 

The 4yo left his shoes behind…..at church.

Who does that???

I'm scared, actually. I really had the thought that I should just go home. I could spend the night in the closest hotel and go home and not tell anyone. It was especially hard when setting up the tent. We had the only tent in the campground. Everyone else had a Camper, or a Fifth Wheel, or a Trailer. Not me, I plan on doing this whole thing with a tent. How much work is this going to be? I have no one to help me? Am I really going to go through this every night? Will we learn anything in the end? Shouldn't I spend my money in a better manner? Is this all for nothing? Does it even have a point?  Andrew would never have done this with us. Indeed, I begged him for years. It really costs so little to camp, it just takes a lot of work. He was awful, but he was my husband. I miss him sometimes still. 

I'd like to end this post with something profound. Something that shows that I really have this deeper perspective about things. About my kids. About life. I'd like to bring it all together, like so many puzzle pieces. But I really can't. 

So I'm going to turn off my Mac (Shameless plug there) ,and crawl into my air mattress (I have 2 cracked vertebra so don't make fun of the air mattress, ya'll), and play Triple Town on my phone (cos I'm hooked and there isn't a Twelve Step for Triple Town yet). Tomorrow, we'll have eggs and bacon for breakfast, play a bit of soccer, take a walk around the campsite, and try to figure out how to pack that stupid tent back in the case. 

Oh yeah, and somewhere in there, I hope to find a large portion of Purpose and Meaning hitchhiking on the roadside.